I am typing this while I am in the room with my father. I wanted to have the last memory of him. Yesterday, mom told me to take a picture of dad, but I refused to do so. Today, I decided to do differently.
There is nothing more difficult than watching someone who you love the most leaving you slowly. He is in pain, we could tell from his face and from his eyes. Being the most patient person who I have ever met, he bites in his pains to himself. He didn’t want to share. He kept saying that he is fine…he is okay…but inside him, the pain was unbearable.
To everyone, he is a wonderful father, an amazing husband, a great uncle, a well-respected brother, a very friendly friend, a good citizen and a well respected Buddhist. He has never hurt anyone. He always forgives.
Not just only to me, but to all of us as family, relatives, friends, and colleagues, he left only wonderful memories for all of us.
There are so much that I want to say, I want to write down, but it’s so hard to put those into words. I knew that this is going to happen, however, I have never been ready for this.
At this moment, I am still wishing for a miracle to happen for him.
My father has been the lead of our household; he has been the one who takes care of everything. We all still feel lost without him because we still need him to guide us through our lives. I would not become who I am today without his advices and helps.
Last but not least, even though I have told all of these to him when he still could hear and understand, but I want to say it aloud again that I love him and we all do. We sincerely apologize for anything that we have done in the past; we hope that he will forgive all of us. Always, we are very thankful to have him part of our lives.
It has been since 2006 when he first diagnosed colon cancer. My mom and he went through the surgery in Beijing, China for three months. For the last three years, father had been taking a good care of himself. He put himself on a strict diet and went through the natural cure treatment of the last couple of years. He started to get very sick in mid of June 2008. Being a daughter, I was very glad to sacrifice my time and be with him for the last few months. In order to take care of him, as a daughter, a son, a wife, brothers, sisters, and family, we are willing to sacrifice wealth and time as long as he could be here longer with us. Even though, we knew that the result was negative, but it did not stop any of us from being positive and did our best.
Unfortunately, it’s a cycle of life. Human life has born, old, sick and death.
Labels: Family